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I think the second mistake we make is that we begin to take our metaphors too literally. We speak metaphorically in our language, and the social sciences are highly metaphorically. So we talk about people having unmet emotional needs; when I say “unmet emotional needs,” suddenly somebody realizes, “Yeah, needs, that's something I really have to have unless I get enough of it that I don't need it anymore unless I use it up, then I'll need more of it.” It's a metaphor from economics, needing things. There's some truth in it: it opens up a way of understanding. But it blocks out other ways of understanding. Once we have adopted a metaphor way of understanding something, it limits how much we can understand it in a different way.

We have orientations now--orientation is a geographical metaphor; I'm oriented by the position I take relative to other things in my environment. I can take a map and compass and go orienteering. But now we all have sexual orientations, and it's important to know what yours is. It's right in there close to your self-esteem, and it's pulled down by gravity.

“Drives” is another metaphor; we have strong sexual drives. “Drives” is a mechanical metaphor--a drive is a piece of machinery that transfers energy from one place in the machine to another, usually the source of the energy to a place where it's used, like the drive shaft on a car. “Drives” are very powerful forces, and we all have sexual drives. I often talk to young men who struggle with all kinds of sexual issues before their mission, went on a mission, served worthily, and for two years it was not a problem. For some it was, but for many it was not. They often think, “Where did that drive go? Where did that incredibly powerful force go?” A few years ago, Anna Landers said that abstinence was not a realistic expectation because the human sexual drive was the strongest drive in nature next to hunger.

Now we can't get away from metaphors; we can't say, “Well, I'm not going to talk metaphorically; we're just going to talk reality here,” because that's all we have to understand. Some of these things in the social sciences are metaphors, but I want to introduce to you a different way of thinking about it. Anna Landers said that hunger is stronger even than the sexual drive, so I want to talk about hunger for just a minute.

I experience hunger as a pain right here in my stomach--very unpleasant sensation. I don't like it. And for me, that sensation happens to be very similar, if not identical, to the sensation that I feel when I'm nervous. I'm a moderately nervous person--I can work myself up into quite a dither. If you'd been at my house this morning, you'd have known that. There have been a number of times in my life when I have said to my wife, “Oh, I am so nervous about something. Something, I don't know what I'm so nervous about--something's just eating me up.” And she has said to me, “Have you eaten today?” And I'll say, “Well, no, I haven't had time.” And she'll say, “Oh, sit down.”

And so I'll sit down, she'll feed me, and it goes away. Interesting. I had a physical sensation in my stomach, but in and of itself it had no meaning until I put meaning on it, till I interpreted it, till I decided what it meant, till I told a story about it. I might have that sensation, and I might think about Mexican food, or I might think about all kinds of different things pop into my mind when I think about hunger or feel hungry. I might also feel that sensation and think, “I am fasting. This pain in my stomach represents a spiritual endeavor, to become closer to my Heavenly Father.” I might think when I feel that pain in my stomach, “I'm dieting. This represents an effort to loose wait.” I might think, “I'm on a hunger strike. It represents defiance and anger. I might also tell a story that would go something like this if it was told out loud: “My life is completely out of control and hopeless. I have no control over anything, and I am in constant depression and anguish. The only thing I can really control in my life is what I eat, and I will lose weight. In fact, when I feel anxious and out of control, I can feel that sensation in my stomach, and it soothes me. It gives me a sense of control in my life until it reduces my anxiety and I literally become addicted to that feeling in my stomach, until I can starve myself to death.” Happens all the time: anorexia.

I use that example, because when I talk about things regarding sexually being, interpretations, stories, or meaning, people are sometimes offended and think, “No, this is very real.” But the meaning and the interpretations that we put on things in our world are incredibly powerful. They are the means by which we interpret all of our experiences, who we are, and what we are. When we talk about hunger this way, it feels a lot less like some innate, physical drive and more like an experience of meaning-making, of interpretation. Now the same thing is true when it comes to sexuality, except now instead of having an unpleasant physical sensation, we have the ability to become strongly sexually aroused, an incredibly pleasant sensation. But I believe that that sensation in and of itself has no meaning until we interpret it, till we place meaning upon it.

Who am I attracted to? Well, my wife. Let's say that I grew up in the South Pacific a hundred years ago in some island in the South Pacific; what kind of women might I be attracted to then? Heavy women. Why? Because being heavy meant that women were healthy and well-off. In fact, the same thing is true today: there are places in Africa where beauty queens can pay money and go to gain weight so they can be heavier for beauty pageants, because in places in Africa, being heavy means that you are healthy and well-off. In our own culture, if I took a beauty queen of today and entered her into a beauty contest in 1930, what would people say about her? She would literally be comic relief; they would just hoot and holler and slap their knees. It would be the funniest thing they'd seen. She would be so incredibly tall and gangly, she's look like a beanpole; so skinny that she'd look sickly; and tanned like a common field laborer, like a lower class person. She'd have no chance at all. In other cultures, men might be attracted, however, to women who stretch their necks out with brass rings or stretch their earlobes down to their lips or who shave their heads or knock their front teeth out. And men in those cultures find those attributes to be erotic. When we talk about sexuality that way, it sounds a lot less like some innate physical drive and a lot more like an interpretation, a way of viewing things, a way of understanding things.

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